the big time

Our trip around France was cut short due to snow, but we had a really good time while we were away. We stayed in two great hotels: one in Strasbourg and once in Metz. Sarah and my room in Metz was this really cool attic room with exposed beams and an amazing view of a neighboring cathedral. It also had a (very) leaky jaccuzi tub. I think we may have been one bath away from one of those scenes from TV where we went crashing down in the room below us.

We went to the local Christmas markets and ate lots of great food at some local restaurants. One specialty we tried is called tartiflette. It's scalloped potatoes with a special cheese (reblochon) and onions and smoked ham. It's my new favorite. One day, Sarah and I even got interviewed by one of the French national news stations! (Maybe the equivalent of being on NBC nightly news--maybe less fancy than that though). We don't know if they ever actually aired our clip, but it was still exciting. We were just walking around a market minding our own business when I guy stopped me and asked (in French) if I would be willing to answer a few questions. I, of course, said that I would but that I was just a stupid American who didn't speak any French so my wife would have to do all the talking. He and the camera lady thought that was funny, and so they asked us a few questions and then had us say we were from Texas (the last part in English). We were all hopped up on our excitement all day after that.

Pictures forthcoming on Sarah's blog or mine, depending on who is less lazy in the next few days...

ATTENTION

Jet lag got to me tonight. I woke up around 1 AM when Sarah got up to blow her nose or her butt or something, and suddenly I was wide awake. I tossed and turned for an hour and a half, but I knew from the beginning I wasn't going to get back to sleep. Now it's 4 AM, and the cat and I are the only people awake. I wish I had a bullhorn.

ATTENTION. I AM BORED. THAT IS ALL.

In a few hours, we're going to leave for a brief road trip. Our initial plan was to spend a few days driving around Italy. We were going to see Rome, Venice, and Pompeii. A while back, we amended that plan and decided to see the south of France instead. Then we were hit by the great European 'blizzard' of 2010.

ATTENTION. THERE ARE EIGHT INCHES OF SNOW IN SOME PLACES--BUT NOT HERE--EVERYONE PANIC. I REPEAT, EVERYONE PANIC. FRANCE IS NOW CLOSED. KTHNKSBYE.

Now we're going to stay in the Alsace-Lorraine region. We'll hit Strasbourg first. It's pretty close by, and it's a pretty interesting city. It's the seat of the European Parliament; the former home of the German poet and philosopher Goethe; and the place where Gutenberg perfected and unveiled the printing press. The two days after that we'll be in Metz and Nancy, two cities that are known for things.

ATTENTION. SOMEONE WAKE UP AND MAKE ME BREAKFAST. ATTENTION.

liar liar

Have you ever heard the expression, "Liar, liar, pants on fire"? Of course you have. Have you also heard the next line, "Hanging on a telephone wire" (or some other similar variation)? Maybe. But have you ever read the poem the saying was derived from? It was written in 1810 by William Blake, an English poet. It's hilarious.

Deceiver, dissembler

Your trousers are alight

From what pole or gallows

Shall they dangle in the night?

When I asked of your career

Why did you have to kick my rear

With that stinking lie of thine

Proclaiming that you owned a mine?

When you asked to borrow my stallion

To visit a nearby moored galleon

How could I ever know that you

Intended to turn him into glue?

What red devil of mendacity

Grips your soul with such tenacity?

Will one you cruelly shower with lies

Put a pistol ball between your eyes?

What internal serpent

Has lent you his forked tongue?

From what pit of foul deceit

Are all these whoppers sprung?

Deceiver, dissembler

Your trousers are alight

From what pole or gallows

Do they dangle in the night?

we arrived

We arrived in France after a major delay in the Madrid airport. We had a five hour layover to begin with, but it actually turned into 10. It was pretty excruciating because they kept telling us that it was just going to be a few more minutes. Just a few more minutes. Just a few more minutes. It's like someone holding candy just out of your reach for five hours.

We were pretty ticked, but then we learned about Matt and Rebekah. Two of their flights got canceled, and they're still stuck at home. So sorry guys. We're praying for your quick (and safe arrival). Hopefully you'll take off soon!

More to come.

Mmm. Mmmhmmm. Mmhm. Hmmm? Mmhmm.

Today the professor I TA'd for this semester took me out to lunch as a thank you for the work I did this semester. We went to the local campus hangout where all the cool kids eat. I had a greasy (and huge) burger with blue cheese, bacon, and chipotle mayonnaise. It was fantastic. And, I'll never need to eat again!

Later, I finished up the last of my grading for the semester, and I'm pretty much finished with all my work until after the new year. I have a meeting on Wendesday and an exam to proctor on Thursday, but nothing school-related other than that. I guess I'll have to wait until I do those last two things before I'll be officially done. But I'm really not going to work any more. I'll just sit here at my desk and pretend to type. Maybe I'll make some intelligent sounding grunts every once in a while to make sure people don't know I'm phoning it in.

the last one

Yesterday marked the last class period of my last required course in the history of my education (barring any unforeseen problems). That's not to say I don't still have courses to take. I'm supposed to take a few electives every semester, and I don't get to choose those electives because our department is too small to offer a wide selection of courses, but I don't technically have any more required courses or sequences. Technically. After three years of undergrad and four years of graduate school, I'm technically happy about it.

granted v.2

Good news. I was notified yesterday that I ended up getting the other grant I applied for a while back. This one was for $500, but I'm going to split it with another researcher because I applied for it on behalf of both of us. I'm not going to use the money for anything fancy. It's just going into the bank to help cover some of the costs of the conference I went to this summer and the one that I'll be going to in January in San Antonio.

I think I must have been emboldened by the success. Not long after I got the notification, I applied to attend a special summer program that's sponsored by the National Science Foundation. It would really look great on my resume/CV. Even better, this year it's being held in Matt and Rebekah's stomping grounds. I don't know what my chances are to get in (and if history serves as a guide, I won't), but if things work out, Sarah and I will be coming to visit for two weeks in late July/early August. Hopefully you'll be home. If not, I have to stay in a dorm, and Sarah has to stay home. Or, alternatively, we have to break into your house.

have you tried... actually studying?

I got an email from a student yesterday. She said she wasn't doing well in one of her psychology classes and was "desperate" to do well on her upcoming final. She was hoping to set up a "tutoring" appointment with me for the night before the exam. She said she would be wiling to pay me $20 "or more" per hour for a maximum of 2 hours. Aside from the fact that it would be a sticky ethical situation for me to take money from a student, the crux of this story is that the final isn't for two more weeks. Here's what I wanted to say:

Dear Student,

Here's a study tip. You know that time between the exam and right now? How about you use that to... LEARN THE MATERIAL YOURSELF. k thnks bye.

Sincerely,

The Study Police

I think my bowling ball just meowed

Since I last posted, we drove to Michigan and back. We were in the car for 41 hours. We listened to a lot of NPR podcasts. This American Life is my new favorite program. Check it out. Thanksgiving break was fun, but the time went way too fast. I tried to avoid everything in my normal routine: No working out, no getting up at 5:30 and going to bed at 8:30, no incessantly checking my email, and no reading or working of any kind. I'm not sure what I did exactly. I think there was a lot of sitting on the couch and staring at the wall. I need a hobby.

These next few weeks should be, fortunately, a slowish wind-down to the end of the semester. I have a paper revision to do, some data to collect, and a take-home final exam to write. I hope that I'm not underestimating things, but I think it shouldn't be too bad. I'm even taking a break right now to do this. If things go really well, I might even have time to build a cat tree so our now-enormous cats can get some exercise. They always gorge themselves with food while we're gone, but this time they became particularly HUGE. Picking them up is like picking up squirmy, fur-covered bowling balls. And not in a good way.

I think I'm a bad citizen

Earlier, I described the big project that I have to do that always gets assigned over Thanksgiving break. Last year, I had to spend about 90% of my break working on it. I lost out on some important family time, and it was just generally unpleasant. Armed with an extra year of experience and the important lessons I learned last year, I tried to make sure that my project would be more manageable this year. It's amazing what an extra year of experience is worth: All the right things fell just into place, and I won't really have any work to do over the break this year. There's really only one potential problem: I'm skipping school on Monday and Tuesday in order to make it to Michigan for more than 1 day.

Normally, this wouldn't be an issue. I don't typically have classes or obligations on Tuesdays, and my only class on Monday is with a class-is-optional type professor. However, this Monday and Tuesday, we have a job candidate visiting the department. I'm supposed to go to hear the person give a talk on Monday, and then there's a meet and greet with all the grad students on Tuesday. It will be a decent sized crowd, so it's reasonable to assume that my absence won't be too dearly missed. However, there's also a chance I'm going to need to meet with the professor who assigns the Thanksgiving assignment. Last year I opted out of meeting in order to spend some extra time with family, and I ended up in the dog house for quite some time.

I thought I'd cut off this issue at the pass by setting up the meeting earlier this week. The meeting was short and sweet, and I thought we discussed everything we needed to. But then I got a cryptic mass email (to everyone in the class) that indicated I might have to go to another meeting. The problem? By the time I find out whether this is the case, I'll already been in Michigan. I couldn't just talk to the professor about wanting to meet early, because that would have drawn attention to the fact that I'm going to miss the job candidate (which in practice is meaningless--my input will have exactly 0 bearing on the hiring process--but in theory it makes me look like I have bad department 'citizenship'). Hopefully this won't turn into a 'thing,' because there's really not much I can do at this point...

the importance of brand

Today one of my professors forwarded me an email from a student who wanted to meet with someone knowledgeable about persuasion. The student has a job interview and needs to be able to convince her potential employers that she will be able to persuasively secure funding, even during this down economy. In other words, the student was hoping for advice on how to persuade her interviewers that she is persuasive. Irony aside, I've recently been working on "selling my brand" (as the persuasion guy), and I'm happy to see that it might be working.

Branding yourself is necessary in lots of areas, including academia. The idea is that, when you see the Nike's swoosh symbol, you automatically know what they're all about. When people see my name in an academic setting, I want them to automatically know what I'm all about. Incidentally, it also strikes me that we Christians should be focusing on achieving a similar outcome for all areas of our lives. When people hear our names, they should know what Christ is all about.

of all the things to endure...

So most people have probably heard about the cruise ship that lost power off the coast of Mexico. A fire in the ship's engine room knocked out electricity, and the passengers and crew had to wait a few days before they could be towed back to California. Not surprisingly, the media has had a field day with the whole thing. My favorite headline so far has been this one.

"Cruise Passengers Endured Stench, Cold Food"

I suppose a stench is something to endure. But cold food? You endure a frigid temperatures. Blazing heat. Malaria. You don't endure cold food. Gazpacho is cold soup. (Some) People love it. Approximately 70,000,000 Americans 'endure' cold cereal every morning. Many people endure having cold pizza as a favorite food. Also, ice cream is cold. "Hey anyone want to go out and endure some ice cream?" Nooooooooooooo... Anything but ice cream!!!!!

Cold food, my friends, is not something to endure. Cold food is something to embrace. On the other hand, I guess it's true that it might not be pleasant to eat cold food while drifting off the coast of a country in the middle of a gang war (in a 4000-person floating apartment building with toilets that don't work). But whatever.

the big one

I'm spending a lot of time this week working ahead to get prepared for Thanksgiving week. I've got a huge project due the day I get back that is worth approximately 100% of my grade in an important class. The project is relatively simple: I have to design a study, collect the data, analyze the data, write an extensive review of the everything that has ever been written about the topic of the study, write up the results of the study, and then write about the implications of my results for the future of all research about the topic. I'm making some progress, but I still have quite a ways to go...

it's doing the opposite of working

In 1960, the birth control pill was approved for use in the United States. It was, and continues to be, heralded as the beginning of a "sexual revolution" in which women were freed from the consequences of an unwanted pregnancy. Up until about five minutes ago, I didn't know the rate of pregnancies in unwed mothers in the 1960s. Do you know what it was? Incorrect. It was 4%.

Do you know what the rate of pregnancies in unwed mothers is today? Wildly incorrect. It is 41%. I'm not saying the issue is simple. It is undoubtedly a complex one. What I am saying is that the birth control pill doesn't seem to be working. In fact, it seems to be doing the opposite of working. A 100 fold increase instead of a decrease? Nice try Science. I'm on to you.

we're all winners

There are a few great equalizers in society. Take pizza, for example. For just a few dollars, anyone in America can buy a piece of pizza that tastes incredible. And no matter how much more you spend, pizza just really can't get any better. So no matter who you are, from Bill Gates to Joe Six-Pack, you get to enjoy the same pleasure. No amount of money or power can change that.

Which brings me to the World Series. A commentator was interviewing Aubrey Huff, who played 11 seasons (over 1500 games) without ever having any success in the playoffs.

Commentator: So, after that long road, how does it feel to finally win the World Series?

Huff: It's the greatest feeling in the world... Except, of course, for when I had my two kids.

Nevermind the slight to his wife (wedding day? anyone? anyone? she's probably not that mad; he is a millionaire, after all). The point is that winning the World Series ranked second to having kids. Millions of people do that every year by mistake. Not many people will ever win the World Series.

And to answer your question, no. This is not my way of announcing that Sarah and I are about to "win the World Series." In fact, if your desire for grandkids/nieces/nephews is really getting you down, I suggest you go have a slice of pizza to tide you over.

they were legion

We got a surprising number of trick-or-treaters last night. Last year we had about 20 or so, and so we were expecting to have a lot of candy leftovers to munch on for the next few weeks. It turns out that we didn't even buy enough! Depending on who you ask (me vs. Sarah), you'll get a different estimate of the head count. Someone says 75. Someone who can't count very well. We had at least 100. You would think that an elementary school teacher would be better at keeping track of children. But no. You would be wrong.

Barney's first Halloween experience was a toddler/teletubby waddling up to our glass front door and peering/leering inside instead of knocking. Or, as Barney saw it, a little monster trying to murder us and steal our things. He had to be briefly restrained, and then he really seemed to enjoy watching the kids.

good news

I was notified today that I received the full amount ($400) of one of the grants I applied for earlier in the week. Talk about a quick turnaround. Now I can actually stay in a hotel during the conference. 

granted

Yesterday, I spent a few hours working on grant proposals. Nothing too fancy, just some internal funding from the university that helps to pay for graduate student travel to psychology conferences. Best case scenario, I'll get $900 and a few new lines for my CV (resume). Worst case scenario, I wasted a few hours. I also started doing some work on a new study I'm getting ready to launch. I'm going to look at one small way that language might influence altruism. If it works, it will show the importance of using humanizing language to describe people (and dogs) who are in need of aid. More on that as things progress...

fool me once...

This morning as I was leaving the house, Mowgli rolled over on her back in front of me and squeaked out a meow, pleading to be petted. When I bent down to rub her stomach, she snapped her jaws shut and chomped on my hand. I didn't think much of it because it wasn't really out of character. But then I drove to my friend's house to pick him up for school. I went inside for a minute while I waited for him to finish putting his dogs away, and his cat, who has only recently started letting me get close enough to touch her, looked up at me and meowed to be petted. When I bent down close enough for her to reach me, she, too, gnawed on my hand. I know what you might be thinking, and, no, I didn't have tuna for breakfast. (Don't be gross).

recent updates

I've obviously flagged in my blogging activity. I've been busy with school, of course, but I've also been a little bored (with blogging). My day-to-day activity is pretty mundane because I've settled into a routine that works pretty well, and so I don't feel like I have too much to say on a day-to-day basis.

Here's what you've been missing: Every weekday I do exactly the same things: wake up at 5:20, work out for 30 minutes, make my lunch, eat a bowl of cereal in front of the news, get ready for school, drive to my friend's house to begin the carpool, drive to school, do work from 7:45 until 4 (sometimes 6), drive back to my friend's house to end the carpool, drive home, make dinner, eat, watch a tv show, and then go to bed. Saturday and Sunday are similar except I don't have the 2.5 hours in the car to deal with. On the weekends, I typically get work done in the mornings before taking the afternoons off. On Saturdays, I usually end up taking Barney to the dog park for an hour or two. On Sundays, we go to church, make our way to Costco to do the grocery shopping for the week, and then relax for most of the rest of the day.

Sarah has been encouraging me to write more often. She keeps saying something about not wanting to be the only one in this relationship who has a "weird" hobby.

the proposed proposal is proposed

My proposal went smoothly on Wednesday. All the suggestions from the faculty were helpful, and I think the experiment is even going to be a little simpler to run once I incorporate the changes. Those are good things.

To reward myself for the success, I'm going to spend the weekend doing a take-home exam, creating a lecture on persuasion, and grading statistics assignments. I am so good to myself. Maybe too good. The hedonism has got to stop.

the beginning of the end of the beginning

Yesterday I had the day 'off' from school, so I stayed home and 'relaxed.' Of course, by 'off,' I meant that I still had to do work at home. And by 'relaxed,' I meant that I did work at home, took the dog for two walks, and then cleaned out the garage and mowed the lawn.

Part of the reason I had to work on my day off is that time has been scarce lately because I'm doing an oral proposal of my thesis tomorrow. So in addition to the stuff that normally keeps me busy, I've had lots of prep work to complete. This thesis proposal is the beginning of the end of the series of steps required for my MS in experimental psychology (The second of two essentially useless master's degrees. Score!). But it is only the end of the beginning of the series of steps required for the PhD. I've outlined them below, because I know a few people have been curious and there are a lot of confusing steps. Some of the more important steps are in bold.


Fall 2010

• Propose thesis (i.e., ask the faculty if it's ok to do an experiment I've been designing; they vote to pass or fail me)
• Collect data for my experiment
• Take classes
• Do other research projects

Spring 2011

• Take classes
• Finish collecting data for the experiment
• Do other research projects
• Write up the thesis document (the results of my experiment)
• Orally defend my thesis (have my writing and ideas publicly critiqued by the faculty; they vote to pass or fail me)
• Get a master's degree in experimental psychology (if all goes well; if not, this will be postponed by a semester)

Summer 2011

• Take classes
• Do other research projects
• Choose a dissertation topic (another experiment; this one has to be grander and more important)
• Do lots of reading about my topic

Fall 2011

• Take classes
• Do other research projects
• More reading about my topic
• Begin designing the experiment for the dissertation
• Begin writing the dissertation proposal (where I explain the experiment in writing)

Spring 2012

• Take more classes
• Do other research projects
• Keep working on the written proposal
• Take my qualifying exam (another oral presentation; in this one, I have to talk about my past, present, and future research and argue in front of all the students and faculty that I deserve to be allowed to do a dissertation; the faculty vote to pass or fail me)

Summer 2012

• Other research projects
• Finish written dissertation proposal
• Apply for jobs

Fall 2012

• Orally propose my dissertation idea to a committee (they publicly critique it and vote to pass or fail me)
• Collect data for the dissertation
• Apply for jobs

Spring 2013

• Write the written dissertation
• Orally defend the dissertation (again, public arguing for my ideas; the faculty vote to pass or fail me)
• Graduate with a PhD in experimental psychology
• Apply for jobs

When I lay it all out like that, it doesn't really seem very appealing. Oh well: I'm pretty much trapped at this point.

oops...I didn't realize I was going to Hell

Albert Mohler, president of Southern Baptist Seminary, recently wrote an essay about the evils of yoga. John MacArthur, a famous conservative Christian apologist, and himself a president of a seminary, agrees. He calls yoga a "false religion." Although Mohler's main problems with the practice are its roots in eastern religions and its encouragement of meditation, he also believes that the exercise itself is a sin. After all, he says, "you're just not doing yoga."

Question: is it a sin to be an ignorant turd? After all, you're not just being an ignorant turd.

tragic irony

I read the following headline today: "Segway Owner Drives Off A Cliff, Dies" Tragic? Yes. Newsworthy? I wasn't so sure. Then I read the article and understood what I'd missed: The owner of the Segway wasn't just the owner of a Segway, he was the owner of all of them. That's right, he was the owner of Segway the company, not just the owner of Segway the scooter. Talk about a bad PR move: driving your flagship product off a cliff is not the way to generate sales. 

at least there's sleep

The second I tried to start working today, my computer refused to connect to the internet. After an hour working on it, I went to the university help desk to get, you know, 'help.' They tried all the things I did (something tells me they didn't believe me when I said, "I already tried that."), and couldn't find the problem. Their advice: Macs don't work very well. Buy a PC or install Windows 7. Given that this is contrary to every experience I've ever had with my Mac, I didn't. I ended up fixing it myself after another half hour. (Thanks for the 'help.') Then I had trouble turning in (electronically) a paper I'd written because of file formatting issues that I don't need to born you with. After I got stuck in traffic on the way home, things really started to go downhill (email related). Long story short, I'm glad the day is over.

mine is the louder one

The other day I was driving to school, minding my own business, when a utility truck pulled out in front of me, slammed on its brakes, and parked in the middle of the road. Two construction workers got out and started slowly pulling tools out of the back while chatting with each other. I was a little annoyed, but I was minding my own business and concentrating on finding an opening in the traffic in the other lane so I could get on with my commute. After about a minute of this, the the guy behind me honked.

One of the construction workers looked up, stared into my car, moved closer, and started cussing me out (loudly enough that I could hear through the closed windows of the car and above the traffic noise of the busy street).  Just then I spotted an opening in the traffic, and I pulled around the truck to go on my way. Not, of course, before I gave him a good long honk. You know, so that he could hear the difference between my horn and the horn from the guy behind me.

Let's just be glad he didn't have time to go for the gun he was inevitably carrying.

Dwight Schrute, as interpreted by Chris Farley

The first two minutes of this video are some of the most unintentionally funny I have ever seen.

Ummmm... no.

Today a student walked by my office looking lost. I heard him stop by another office suite and ask the occupants if this was where the study was being held. They said no and directed him to a different room, also telling him that he was too late to take the study anyway. His response: Oh. Wait, is this part of the study?

mundanity

I see it's been a week since I last posted. There haven't been a great many developments in that time. I went to school five times. I came home from school five times. I've almost finished draft #3 of my thesis proposal. I think I'll only have to do one more after this before I can actually hold a proposal meeting and then start collecting data. One of the four incoming, first-year students in my area has quit already. He mumbled something about boring classes and meetings being too much for him. Tonight Sarah and I are going to watch a football game and have smoked pork ribs with some friends. That should be fun. Not for the pig though.

attack of the clones!

We regularly get an email from some pet care company that uses the above shelter photo of Barney and his siblings to try and convince us to buy stuff for him. Barney was the last one to get adopted, and I never saw the others in person, so the email just makes me want to do is track everybody down (and there's another one missing from the photo), put them all in a room, and see what happens. It might be hard to make sure we took home the right dog though.

the longest day

This week didn't really hold much to talk about. I went to school every day, worked on my thesis proposal (just a document that says, all too formally, here's an experiment I want to do) for most of the day, went to class sporadically, and then went home. Every day just felt like an extension of the next, and Sarah and I both agreed that it felt like a really longest week in history. Hopefully the weekend will feel similarly long. I expect that we won't be so fortunate.

pass the jelly beer

My first day of school was today. Well, my 23rd first day of school was today. But it was my first day of this year. You know what I learned on this inauspicious occasion? Wrong. I learned that jelly can ferment in the fridge if you leave it undisturbed for four months in a half-empty container. Good thing it was so rotten that I noticed before I got a chance to put it on my sandwich. I would have had to eat it anyway. Waste not, want not, after all.

P.S. 8:30 PM, and it's still 103 degrees.

down the rabbit hole

Right before bed last night Barney was playing around outside when, all of a sudden, he got really excited. I mean REALLY excited: he sprinted in a few circles at lightening speed around the back yard, rushed inside and sprinted around the house, led me outside with him, refused to come inside, and ran in and out of "the woods" (6-foot-deep bushy area near the back fence) until I caught him and carried him in. I figured he'd seen an opossum or one of the local cats who is always walking across our back fence. He was so amped up that he rustled around in his crate for most of the night.

I was working on my thesis proposal this morning when a blur of black and white motion outside caught my eye. How did that tiny little dog get over our 7-foot fence!!! It was actually was one of our 78-year-old neighbor's two pet rabbits. I quickly understood why, ever since we've been back from Michigan, Barney has been pointing (standing perfectly still with one leg in the air and looking in one direction) at 'invisible' stuff in the yard and playing in the woods a lot. I went outside to try and catch the rabbit and return it its home, but I left Barney inside so there wouldn't be any rabbit corpses to inconspicuously dispose of. (Sarah: This stew is a little gamey. Where did you get this chicken? Me: Ummmm... Here's the thing...)

The rabbit wasn't exactly unfriendly, but it didn't particularly want to be touched either. It ended up scurrying back home through (one of) the hole(s) it had dug under the fence. Unfortunately, Barney saw the whole thing from the window where he had been freaking out about not being able to be outside to 'play' with the rabbit. He might have been nice to it. I don't know. Anyhow,  now I have to figure out how to keep Barney from tunneling his way into the neighbor's yard to reunite with his new 'friends' (two chickens also live over there).

Pointing out the hole: he stayed like this for 5 minutes while I ran and got the camera and took some pictures. Maybe the rabbit will take the hint and come through.

For the last 20 minutes he's been intermittently pointing at the fence and trying to trick me into going outside by 'asking' to come in (by jumping into the screen door and making it knock against the other door, a trick we taught him) and then refusing to actually enter. When I move toward him to catch him, he runs--just out of my reach--a little closer to the hole. I went all the way out once and walked over to the hole to make sure the brick I'd put there was still in place. He pranced over with me, no doubt feeling proud that he'd finally communicated his urgent message about the meal I was passing up. He looked hurt and confused when I went back inside. He probably thinks I'm an idiot.

someone make a movie about this

I just had an interesting thought while I was 'listening' to a conversation some people were having. Okay, you caught me: they were having the 'conversation' on Facebook, and I wasn't listening so much as I was reading their comments about a status update, but whatever. The point is this: I realized can't recall having heard anyone say they watched a movie and were disappointed by the book, but I frequently hear people say they read a book and then were disappointed by the movie. I have a number of theories.

1. Books are better than movies for various reasons (imagination used, time to develop plot and characters, better writing, etc.)
2. Alternatively: order effects are in play. People usually read books first, then watch the movies. But what if order matters? What would happen if you watched a movie and then read the book? Then you'd always be stuck with what's-his-face as the main character, and you don't even like what's-his-face.
3. Alternatively: people like to throw it in your face that they read the book, you didn't, and they are smarter and all-around better than you.

I'm sure there are lots of anecdotes out there. Someone's going to have to do a systematic study to get this figured out. Not it.

I'll do it

For some reason the weather is a competition. It doesn't matter if it's hot temperatures, long winters, or precipitation, everyone has to be the most uncomfortable. The conversation usually goes something like this (referring to heat, in this instance).

Upper Midwest: I'm so hot, it's 90 degrees.

Deep South: You think that's hot? It's going to be 100 here today!!

Southwest Desert: I wish it was 100!! Today it's going to be 110!!!

Deep South and Upper Midwest (in unison): Yeah, but that's a dry heat so it doesn't count! 

The debate was settled this week when the Finland's World Sauna Championships ended tragically. Here's what happened. The competition is simple: a bunch of idiots sit in a sauna; whoever stays the longest wins. Oh, by the way: the ambient temperature in the sauna? It's kept at more than 240 degrees Fahrenheit (110 C). If you remember your elementary school science, you'll recall that (a) our bodies are 55 - 78% water, and (b) the boiling point for water is 212 F (100 C). In other words, the contestants sit in a room that could BOIL THEM ALIVE!!!

Apparently, the heat itself isn't all that bad. At least, it isn't all that bad until they pour buckets of water over superheated rocks, which sends the room's humidity skyrocketing. It's not unusual for contestants' skin to boil and for them to have huge patches of it eventually fall right off. Most only stay in the sauna for a few minutes. The 'best' participants train year round to acclimate themselves, and some are able to withstand the temperatures for quite some time. This year, a participant died when something went wrong. Some suspect foul play (such as too much humidity), and there is an ongoing criminal investigation. But the larger point (aside from the incredibly stupidity involved here), is that's it wasn't the temperature that killed him, it was the humidity.

That being said, the high here today is 106 and the heat index is 116. It's 9:30 AM right now, and the heat index is 95. I'm going to go outside and punch the sun in the face.

gross

We made it home from Michigan in one piece. The high today is 105. That's not the heat index, that's the high. Apparently, we missed 14 straight days in which the temperature was over 100 degrees. This is ridiculous. I'm submitting a formal complaint.

fore!

Dad and I have played three rounds of golf since I've been back home. I haven't played much this year (one time), so my form has been off and on. In the first two rounds I hit some good shots and some bad shots, and I hit a few great shots and a few really terrible ones. Today we played for the last time before Sarah and I head back to Michigan. I played surprisingly well, ending up with a 77. I'm usually shocked when I manage to play like I used to (when I was actually a decent player). But back then I thought I deserved to shoot well because I practiced so much, so I was always mad when I didn't live up to those expectations. Now I'm just happy to be able to get out and play. Probably a better attitude.

America the beautiful

I read a story in the news today about a Michigan man who passed out on his bed after drinking too much. He woke up a few hours later because his foot felt wet, and he looked down to see that his Jack Russell Terrier Kiko, who normally sleeps with him, had gnawed off half of his big toe.

The man, whose wife is a nurse, went to the hospital, where they diagnosed him with type II diabetes and a very diseased foot. Apparently, the dog had eaten only the part of the toe that was rotting, and he left alone all the parts that were still alive. The man was just happy that his dog had "saved his life," and he wondered how the dog had been smart enough to know to stop eating the toe at just the right spot. He also "joked" that he shouldn't have had to pay his hospital copay because the dog "did most of the work."

I would normally make some snarky comment here, but I think it's unnecessary at this point.

I'm on vacation

From everything. Except pulling my groin while playing golf. How does that happen? I don't really know. But it did. And it isn't pleasant. You know what else happened? Do you? Me either. You know what I need? Cake. Also, more cake. The end.

not playing nice

I keep up with the news in the towns we've moved away from. I guess I'm a busybody. Anyway, yesterday I read a story about how someone was robbed at gunpoint in the evening at a park that Sarah and I regularly took walks through in the evening. Comforting, I know. The victim, fortunately, was able to trick the bad guys into thinking he was an undercover cop, and they ran away. Ypsilanti is not known for a well-educated populace. Today I read a more tragic story about a 20-year-old kid that was shot at the local K-Mart just a few miles down the street.

I'm glad we live in a quiet neighborhood now.

the week in review

I'm always amazed when my air travel doesn't end in a fiery crash. So much so, in fact, that I regularly have bad dreams in which I'm on a plane that ends up crash landing somewhere. Sometimes I make it; sometimes I go straight to Hell. (That was an actual dream: my plane crashes; everything gets really dark; I'm under the assumption that I'm in Hell; I wake up moaning). Dreams are great.

Speaking of great things: we had a great time at Sarah's reunion. The hotel was really nice; the city was fun; and all of Sarah's classmates and their spouses were great company. It's too bad we don't live close to any of them. Actually, it's too bad we don't live close to anyone we are close with. I guess that's what we get for moving to a place where there are millions of people but no friends or relatives. Oops.

overexertion

When I was in 8th grade, we occasionally had basketball practice on Saturdays to compliment our normal weekday workouts. Just as now, I loved basketball back then, but there were two main problems with Saturday practice: 1) I was fat and hated to run the typical end-of-practice wind-sprints, and 2) I was lazy and hated to get up early, especially on my only real day of the week to sleep in. Saturday practices were the worst.

My usual routine was to roll out of bed as late as possible. I didn't eat. I didn't shower. I didn't comb my hair. Sometimes I'm not sure if I even put on pants. Now that I think about it, things haven't changed much. Except that now I always eat breakfast.

We went through our typical practice, and I went through my typical routine of trying to get my abnormally large body ("Look at that giant tween!!") to do something that might impress my coach (it didn't). I remember getting yelled at a lot, probably because I 'wasn't trying.' It's hard to move as fast as the other kids when you're fatter than they are. I mean, I could do it for a while, but I could only sustain that kind of pace for so long before I needed some sort of ice cream sandwich or frozen lemonade. Anyway, we got to the sprints at the end, and I ran as fast as could muster. As usual. I took last. As usual. We circled around the coach as he gave us some directions about something I didn't hear: because suddenly, my head was swimming. Fortunately, I was in the back of the circle, so when I turned around and barfed stomach bile all over the place, it didn't cause as huge a stir as it would have if I'd 'accidentally' ralphed all over my coach and teammates.

I was pretty happy when Coach wordlessly went to get sawdust and a mop to clean up the mess. I thought for sure he was going to yell at me some more. He instead waited until the next practice, by which time he'd thought of some snappy repartee with which he could publicly ridicule me in front of the rest of the team. After all, it was my fault because I was 'obviously didn't try hard enough at practice' and was in such 'terrible shape' as a result. Gee, sorry coach Gleason. I thought I threw up because (a) I'm in 8th grade and don't fully understand nutrition, and (b) I was trying SO HARD THAT I MADE MYSELF THROW UP. Oh by the way, how did you get your (literally) 450-pound body into those tiny pants?

Kids I didn't even know teased me at school for weeks. Long story short: now I eat breakfast every day.

Which brings me to the point: today the heat index is 105 degrees. I took Barney, as I usually do, for a run during the hottest part of the day. Before the run, I took him outside to run around and play fetch. He was pretty hot and tired when we got home, and for a while, he just stood over his water dish huffing and puffing like the little engine that couldn't cool down. After a few minutes, he went to stand on the couch for a while. I looked over a little later to see him barfing bile all over it. Perfect. Nice job coach.

While Sarah and I were cleaning it up, I was keeping an eye on him to make sure he was okay, and he got a funny look on his face. He looked pained and uncomfortable. And I'm not talking physically. I mean emotionally. It was like he was about to commit a morally despicable act but couldn't stop himself. I asked him if he wanted to go outside, and he practically ran me over on his way to the door. Once out there, he looked around for a good spot for about 3 seconds and then barfed again. This time the sponge pieces actually came out, so I think he should be fine.

Moral: eat breakfast, not sponges.

talking Carl

The "talking Carl" IPhone app repeats everything you say in a higher pitch. This video pits two Carls against each other.

what the frick

For the last few years, Sarah and I have adhered to a pretty stable sleeping schedule. We get up at the same time every day, and we go to bed at the same time every day. Precisely the same time. At first it was annoying. Now we really would never go back to the old way of doing things. Not long after we adopted the "schedule method", as I'm now calling it, we started having less trouble falling asleep, sleeping better at night, and feeling pretty well rested during the day.

Tonight I fell asleep in about 15 minutes. I was just starting to have a weird dream about something I can't really recall when we were awoken by a loud and aggressive banging on our bedroom window. Well, Sarah awoke to banging. I awoke to banging and Sarah hyperventilating while trying to wake up and scream about intruders at the same time.

I jumped out of bed and started swinging my arms wildly at shadows and kicking Barney awake and turning on all the lights in and outside house and assuring Sarah that it was nothing. Then I realized that it was just a local feral cat trying to get into our room from the outside. You know, incidentally, that you have a reputation for being nice people when the neighborhood pets resort to risking B & E charges just so they can live with you. Barney still hadn't woken up, and despite her screaming, I'm not entirely convinced Sarah had either, so I shut the lights off and tried to go back to sleep. I was, unfortunately, pretty amped up by that time, and also rested from my 'nap,' so a return to slumber was out of the question.

So I went out to the living room and ate some Cheetos and the rest of the 2 lbs of cherries we'd gotten earlier in the day. Long story short, I have stomach cramps, and it's 2:31 AM. I don't think there's a great chance that I'm going to feel rested when I wake up in a few hours. Then again, it's almost guaranteed that I'll sleep well tomorrow. How could I not? I'll be super tired, and my belly will super full from all the cat stew I'll have eaten.

think about the possibilities

Two things of note happened today. First, the federal government finally deposited our tax refund and housing credit into our bank account. And it was only 5 months after I filed our taxes--good work people! Group hug!! Second, I paid off yet another student loan, which brings the grand total of education-related expenses for my and Sarah's educations to... drumroll please... approximately the cost of a lower-end luxury car! Just think, if we would have gone through 1-year technical training programs, we could be commuting to work together in a BRAND NEW (used) Acura (or similar). Oh well. Next time we'll know.

In all seriousness, I'm hoping that this will be the last one, and I'm glad to have paid them all off. On a side note, if anyone happens to have $86,000 lying around, I'd love to pay off the remaining balance on our mortgage. Or maybe buy a Land Rover.

thought of the day

A true partypooper would probably end a party almost immediately.

we're baaaaack

Over Utah

Dim Sum or Dim Yum? Oh no I didn't. Oh yes I did.

Just how cold is the water?

As it turns out, it wasn't the cold we should have been worried about.

Accidental yoga. About 1 second after this picture, I learned my feet could touch my head.

And all it took was a monster sand burn and a 10 foot wave.

It's safer over here at Little Corona.

Or is it? Too many creepers here.

Walt 0, me 1

Thinking about Walt

LA from Griffith Park

I like milkshakes. They smell nice.

300 feet above Orange County

on the road again

Traveling again. Probably won't be able to update for a little over a week. I'll post more pictures when I get back home.

the trip, part 3

Beach in southern Oregon

Pebbles

Another beach in southern Oregon

Mr. Krabs didn't make it

Beach in Redwood National Park (Northern CA)

View from our hotel (or not...)

Grand Canyon

Grand Canyon

Grand Canyon

River Sliver

My face and torso at the Grand Canyon

New York City

Art

homecoming

Made it home safely after 25 straight hours of driving, which brought the total driving time to 100 hours for the trip. I never want to be in a car again. More to come after I recover.

the trip, part 2

Here are some more pictures. I'm still at the conference but will start the trip home tomorrow. We hope to  hit the Oregon/Northern California coast, Redwood National Forest, Napa Valley, Las Vegas, and the Grand Canyon.

Bird in the Tetons

Buffalo in Yellowstone

Bird in Yellowstone

Artist's Point in Yellowstone

Chipmunk in Yellowstone

Prairie dogs at Devil's Tower

Elk in Yellowstone

Mountain goat in the Badlands

Mountain goat in the Badlands

Pontificating at Devil's Tower

Bear warnings in the Tetons

Yellowstone

Tetons

Tetons

the trip, part 1

I don't have too much time right this second, but here are a few pictures from the first leg of the trip. I have more photos from my better camera that I'll upload later (hopefully) that include some more wildlife shots (I was about 15 feet from a giant elk with big antlers, some mountain goats, buffalo, etc.).

From the top: the badlands, town on the way to Yellowstone, our campsite at Buffalo Bill State Park in Wyoming (right on the beach!), artists point in Yellowstone, elk, and Old Faithful.

More to come in the next few days...

dog days of summer

Starting Sunday, my friend and I are headed across the country to present some of our research at a conference on the west coast. His wife is also going to be out of town for back-to-back weekend weddings and a week of work training in between (all in another state). That leaves Sarah to hold down the fort--with the addition of their lab/pitbull mix, Sawyer, for the week.

Both dogs are still adolescents, so they are playful and RAMBUNCTIOUS. My friend and his wife left for the first wedding early this morning, and I've been working nonstop trying to get both dogs to stop roughhousing in the house. I hope to have them ready before Sarah has to fly solo in a few days, but I think I have my work cut out for me. Already, there have been lots of timeouts in their crates and lots of positive reinforcement. Yes, I did say timeouts. Believe it or not, they've been more effective than yelling. After all, it's not appropriate to punch dogs. No matter how much you might want to.

After 3.5 hours, both of them finally decided to lay down. It was very quiet and still for a moment. Then I saw a little black and orange head slowly peek out from around a corner (Mowgli). That was a nice five minutes of peace. She saw the new dog sleeping on the floor, HER FLOOR, and froze. Too late. She'd been spotted behind enemy lines. He lazily lifted his head, and she receded into the shadows like an apparition. Unfortunately, dogs are curious about apparitions, and that was the end of nap time. After some more timeouts and playing outside (the timeout free zone), the dogs came in and went back to sleep. The end. Until, four minutes later, Gizmo crept up and pounced on Sawyer's tail...

P.S. Sarah is a saint.

conversations I have during the day

Barney: Excuse me. I have a question. What game was that you guys were playing yesterday?

Me: That's a good question, Barney. We've been playing Scrabble on our fancy new board. Sarah was concentrating very hard on winning.

Don't tell her, but she's about to lose. Try to ignore all the naughty words she spelled. Some people will do anything to win. All I wanted was to eat some cherries, which I did.

Mowgli: I am disturbed by the moral laxity in this household.

 Mediterranean House Gecko: mmmphh freemph vroophrh. Nom, nom, nom.

Mowgli: GET OUT OF MY ROOM!!!!!!!

Barney: Okay, okay. I get it. You don't like other living creatures. Me and my buddy will go talk somewhere else.

Me: There is increasing evidence that I may need a hobby.