I read a news story today about how someone used a cable box at a school district's administration building to order $250 worth of pornographic movies. Aside from all the logical commentary that you might expect, I'd like to focus on one thing. When asked why there was cable television in the building, an administrator was quoted as saying that it was "there in case of emergencies."

Emergencies? Which emergencies, pray tell, necessitate the use of cable TV? Perhaps you know better, but here are a few possibilities I thought up.

1. Someone puts a gun to your head and says, turn it to the Discovery Channel or you're dead.

2. All local television channels are running commercials simultaneously.

3. The administrators are working and remember that they have a 'dime' on the Floyd Mayweather/Oscar de la Hoya fight.

4. The administrators are in a meeting and think, "You know what would make this more interesting..."

(see above story if you didn't catch the drift...)