Sarah asked me to do the laundry today. I told her, "I'm way ahead of you: I did the laundry three weeks ago." Zing.

Just to clarify, I was talking about the four mallard ducks that I hunted down like ducks and then ate like ducks. Peking ducks. Zing. In an unrelated matter, I had the Oregon Ducks playing the Texas Longhorns in the NCAA basketball finals. I'm pretty sure that a duck would be no match for a longhorn, but I guess now we'll never know, will we? Thanks for nothing Kevin Durant, Aaron Brooks, and company. Zing.

Now, a goose against a longhorn, that's another story. You don't mess with geese; they go for the crotch. Zing.

Zing against whom? Zing.

It's just one of those days.

P.S. If you don't believe me about the whole goose/crotch thing, go to your local duck pond and poke a goose; see if it doesn't happen.

P.P.S. And if you're going to do that, please make a video and send it to me.