Yesterday I started coaching the 8th-grade basketball team for one of the local high schools. When I agreed to do it, I thought that coaching would be something that I would like to do. As it turns out, practice was actually fun for me. That’s right, I said fun. In fact, it was much like previous job, only I didn’t have anyone swearing at me or punching me, and these kids were afraid of me (one, because I’m a lot bigger than most; two, because I can cut them and ruin their lives): when I said jump, they said, “ahhhahahahah!!!!!” and wet their pants.

Sarah goes to the opera tonight. I’m not saying it’s a good thing that she’s going with her grandma and not me, but I wouldn’t have been able to promise that I could stop myself from singing along in a mocking tone. Ha, ha-ha, ha, HA HA-HA, HA, LA, LA, LA-LAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!! I’m not sure if they kick people out for that, but I probably would have found out.