I just ate a bitter pecan, and it’s really all that I can think about. Like bitter-pecan flavored coffee, the taste of that stupid nut filled my entire mouth and waylaid four of my six senses. I ate it anyway.

In other news, there’s no news today. If you would like some news, please turn on your TV. Other sources of news include the newspaper, the radio, the internet, your neighbors, the newspaper, and the stalls of public restrooms.