I was reading the news today and came across the following headline:

"Dog saves family from fire started by cat".

I think that about sums up the history of dog+human and cat+human interactions.

Apparently there really is a reason why dogs are called man's best friend and cats are called man's worst enemy who will try and kill man in man's sleep but will be foiled by man's dog and will run away and shred all the toilet paper off the roll while man is asleep and will jump on the counter seeking to infect man with bacteria from the litter box even though man has repeatedly reminded that the counter is off limits because that's where man likes to keep what man eats but instead cats just keep jumping places where they're not supposed to and pulling down the curtains and damaging the all-important TV antenna and trying to bite man's crotch when man isn't looking (true story) because they think they're so cool but they're not they're killers or they would be if it wasn't for dog but man doesn't have dog because man is in graduate school and travels sometimes and doesn't know what would happen if dog was left to own devices for long periods of time without a yard to poop and play in so man has too many cats who are trying to kill man and may succeed if someone doesn't send help.

The above manic sentence was sponsored by whichever cat shredded a full roll of toilet paper while I was sleeping and keeps putting things into my left shoe.

You know who you are.