I was just playing basketball, and I took a forearm to the face from a history professor who said it was retaliation for when I elbowed him in the back a few plays beforehand. Here's a history lesson: I didn't elbow you in the back. Also, you should be fired.

In his defense, I may have elbowed him in the back, but it wasn't on purpose, and I don't remember doing it. Not in his defense: every child knows that two wrongs don't make a right. What stage is below child? Infant?

My response was to stop playing immediately and ask him (loudly) what he was doing. Here's how the rest of the conversation went.

Me: Stops playing. What are you doing?!?!?!?
Him: Bugs eyes out and raises his fist. (That's right, raises his fist!) What are you doing?
Me: What am I doing? I'm absorbing the blow from your forearm. What are you doing?
Him: You elbowed me in the back!!!!!
Me: Pointing. You're a professor!
Him: You elbowed me in the back!!!!
Me: Shame on you. I should report you.
Him: Face goes white. You elbowed me in the back.
Me: I don't know what you're talking about.
Him: I bet you don't!!!
Me: That's bull crap. And you're a very bad man.
Other players: Laughing. (At me and my use of the term "bad man.")

 The game went on. After the game, he came up to me, stuck his hand out for a hand slap, and said, "Good game." No apology. No more berating. Just, "Good game."

Are you kidding me?!